Lost Faith


Storm Clouds
I lay here, wondering why
why me
Why him
Why them
I’ve lost the desire to survive
Life is a bunch of obstacles, ups & downs, ins & outs, & confusion
My hurdles are enormous! And, I’m getting weak
My body is older & broken
My soul & mind are strong
No one cares about your soul nor your mind
It’s all about what you can do for them and that’s a FACT
I kinda see what Jesus must have felt like
All the pain, let down, ridicule, and abandonment
Yet, he still had it in him to save others
I struggle to hold onto Faith
I wonder what happened to Jesus’ soul
I wonder if he was praying for Death as well

Me And Boggledee (A Work In Progress)


Me and Boggledee

Boggledee is curious, as curious as can be.

Boggledee is just too curious for me.

Boggledee will go into the darkness, just to see what’s inside.

But, I’m the type to run and hide.

Boggledee likes to learn. I like to Play.

When we come together it becomes a magical day.

Boggledee and I are as different as can be,

But, we are the best of friends as you can see.

With ALL his knowledge and ALL my fun,

We come together to form ONE.

I love Boggledee and Boggledee loves me!

Not Sure If You Really Want to Read


I am going to talk about something that is very controversial. In order to do this, I have to open up about my own thoughts and put myself out there for criticism and ridicule. But, for some reason I feel urged to do this.

I have suicidal tendencies. I don’t know why or I could have stopped them by now. When opening up about them, you get different and negative words in return. Trust me.

I have heard that I am STUPID, and that’s from an uncle of mine. I have heard that if I want to do it, just do it. Shockingly, being offered a tool or way to accomplish it. WOW! I’ve been asked, “Why would you want to do that?” with a very confused facial expression. I have had some say that I have a lot going for me, now I’m confused.

You get to the point where you don’t want to tell anyone that you’re feeling this way. People have made it hard to express ourselves, due to judgement. I have always believed that are ALL created equal, some just have different lives.

The purpose of the title…I know you are feeling some way. Stop and think about your first thought and what you would say to me as if I were standing in front of you saying this. Do you even know what to say? Do you think I’m STUPID?

These thoughts cannot be controlled to the point where you can stop them from entering your mind. It’s all about ignoring them or just finding things to hold onto in this life. For instance, your children. Well, that’s what keeps me here.

Some might wonder if I am on medications. Yes, I am. They can only do so much in times of stress. Therapy? Yes, I’ve tried it over the years. They talk, mainly, about “coping skills”. Has it helped? Well, apparently NOT.

The Clouds OVER MeSo, what to do next? I really don’t know….

I do know that I am NOT the only one. For the latest statistics, go to

https://www.afsp.org/content/download/13514/228430/file/Suicide%202015%20Facts%20and%20Figures.pdf

 

Stop the Riots


The Government needs to understand why people protest and riot. The people are upset and are demanding action. When people feel betrayed and ignored, they will begin to lash out. They are calling for transparency. They are wanting to be informed.

The Government wants peaceful protests, while they put aside the questions asked by that community. Peaceful protests contain words, not hate. These people have been wronged, so speak up and own up Baltimore!

Always feeling left in the dark!

EA: Ebsteins Anomaly Rare But Real


EA: Ebsteins Anomaly (Rare But Real)

I am very familiar with EA, which is the abbreviation for Ebstein’s Anomaly. My knowledge on EA is the result of having my son being born with it.

It is not something that can develop later, it is congenital, which means that a person is either born with it or not. EA occurs during the formation period of the heart.

In many cases, it isn’t diagnosed at birth and are most likely a mild malformation. The definition in layman’s terms is that it is a malformation in the tricuspid valve, which separates the right sides’ atrium and ventricle/top and bottom.

Ebstein’s Anomaly is diagnosed on a scale of mild to severe, depending on degree of malformation. Below is a diagram of a “normal” heart, showing correct blood flow.
heart diagram with flow
As you can see, the right side of the heart is designed to take the used blood from the body to the lungs to be oxygenated. If the valve is malformed, it cannot fully handle the job.

Some EA patients don’t even know they have it until later in life and that would indicate that it is a mild malformation. For many of these EA patients, it will require only medication. In a moderate form of EA, the valve can be repaired by the cone procedure or can be replaced with a mechanical valve.

In severe EA cases, reconstruction and/or replacement are not options. This is the case for my son, Kyle. He was born just over 20 years ago and it has been one hell of a roller coaster ride. Below is a diagram of my sons’ heart after the Fontan procedure.

Fontan Heart
As you can see now, the blood is re-routed to bypass the right side of the heart. It comes from the body and is shot straight to the lungs via the pulmonary artery. It then comes back to the left side of the heart and it is pumped to the body.

The left side is doing all the work from this moment on, which can have a profound effect on the whole body. My son developed WPW, which is the abbreviation for Wolff-Parkinson White Syndrome. WPW is an electrical abnormality and can cause the patient to go into SVT, which is tachycardia.

Kyle has experienced heart rates above 200 bpm and, in couple of cases, given medication to stop his heart in hopes that it would reset itself. Crazy sounding but it has worked a couple of times now. It is scary for the both of us and Kyle describes it as just feeling weird. Sadly to say, there’s more. For instance, my son developed a DVT (blood clot in left leg) while on blood thinners.

It is a rough road but, well worth it all to have my son in my life everyday! I write this not only to inform, but also give hope to the many families that have to live with such a rare heart defect.

You will see many graphic things, things no one should ever see let alone endure. You will feel guilty, trying to find reasoning. You will hear others’ stories and, depending on the amount of time in the hospitals, empathize with them. Leaving you to feel guilty as they lose their child, or in my case, children.

The Intensive care Unit are pods of about 8 families. I say families because a couple behind me and my son lost their triplets one by one. It was awful. Didn’t want to leave my son, but felt so guilty because my baby is in serious but stable condition.

One thing that you will find hard to see is the children there alone. Ones you never see anyone visit. I personally wouldn’t leave Kyle, so afraid that I wouldn’t be there and him not make it.

He has surpassed the doctors expectations and he is still teaching them. Faith and technology combine are mind blowing!

Let’s Just De-Criminalize Marijuana


imageMarijuana is finally getting the right attention. This will be a blessing for many people. I still wonder why this naturally grown plant is considered a class 1 illegal substance. People hear that and they immediately view marijuana as a bad thing, when in fact it is better for someone than many prescription medications. Yet, it is on a list along with lethal handmade drugs. The only downfall to weed is the fact that most are grown by or in fields, leaving the plants open to pesticide spray. If it were to be removed from the Federal books, then it could be used just like all other herbal remedies. Individuals have tested this plant more than the government ever could. Hey Government, listen to your people!

 

To All My Followers


Boggledee is going to take a break. I would like to say, a short break, but a break is all I know at this time. I just don’t want any of my followers to wonder, “where did Boggledee go”, not saying you would. I’m rambling, that’s what Boggledee does.

I hope that when I return to my writing world, I will share much happier things with you all; so, don’t give up on Boggledee just yet.

Thank you all for your time on Boggledee.wordpress.com