Not Sure If You Really Want to Read

I am going to talk about something that is very controversial. In order to do this, I have to open up about my own thoughts and put myself out there for criticism and ridicule. But, for some reason I feel urged to do this.

I have suicidal tendencies. I don’t know why or I could have stopped them by now. When opening up about them, you get different and negative words in return. Trust me.

I have heard that I am STUPID, and that’s from an uncle of mine. I have heard that if I want to do it, just do it. Shockingly, being offered a tool or way to accomplish it. WOW! I’ve been asked, “Why would you want to do that?” with a very confused facial expression. I have had some say that I have a lot going for me, now I’m confused.

You get to the point where you don’t want to tell anyone that you’re feeling this way. People have made it hard to express ourselves, due to judgement. I have always believed that are ALL created equal, some just have different lives.

The purpose of the title…I know you are feeling some way. Stop and think about your first thought and what you would say to me as if I were standing in front of you saying this. Do you even know what to say? Do you think I’m STUPID?

These thoughts cannot be controlled to the point where you can stop them from entering your mind. It’s all about ignoring them or just finding things to hold onto in this life. For instance, your children. Well, that’s what keeps me here.

Some might wonder if I am on medications. Yes, I am. They can only do so much in times of stress. Therapy? Yes, I’ve tried it over the years. They talk, mainly, about “coping skills”. Has it helped? Well, apparently NOT.

The Clouds OVER MeSo, what to do next? I really don’t know….

I do know that I am NOT the only one. For the latest statistics, go to

https://www.afsp.org/content/download/13514/228430/file/Suicide%202015%20Facts%20and%20Figures.pdf

 

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