“Letting go is hard to do”, now that is a statement I’ve heard over the years. Yet, never knew how hard it could actually be. We, being human, look for and become accustomed to companionship. We have searched for this, since the beginning of time. It’s no wonder that we, being human, have a hard time letting go.
Some people have such a hard time with the idea of letting something go, that they become hoarders. But, for all of us, it is hard to let go of those that have become a part of our lives. This includes friends, family, and pets that have past on. I seem to suffer from this myself.
It has been many years since we have shared words with Hank. I can’t help but to think of him still to this day. I wonder what life would be like if he were still here. Hank was a good guy, a kind person and fun to be around.
I’ll never forget the last day I got to see Hank before he passed. There’s some differences in reports to how he died. Most people accept the fact that Hank most likely took his own life. Some believe it was an accident while cleaning guns. I believe, his took his own life.
That is what bothers me the most. The fact that it was intended. It could have been different, if only….
And that is where i come in.
My fiancee and I were in the process of moving. A friend of mine was helping me paint the new place, when Hank stopped by looking for my fiancee. They were like best friends, even though there was a difference in age.
There he stood. I knew something was wrong immediately. I could almost feel his sorrow. He seemed lost in his own mind. I knew he was suicidal. He didn’t have to say it, I just knew it.
After I told him that Lester wasn’t there, he started to head out. I stopped him and told him that we needed to pick a day to do some fishing, being Hank and Lester’s favorite past-time, I figured that would cheer him up and give him something to look forward to. Now, I wish I would have kept him there and took the time to save his life.
I feel as though I could have done something instead of nothing and can’t seem to forgive myself for knowing and doing nothing.
Since then, I have buried my grandmother and seemed to have excepted the fact that she is gone. My grandmother has been around my whole life and yet, I can let her go. Why is that? I suppose I have realized that I couldn’t save my grandmother from cancer. But, I might have been able to save Hank, if only I would have stopped and took the time.
I have noticed videos covering this subject more and more lately, and I figured this was the time to share my story. I miss Hank and the thought that I could have done something will haunt me for as long as I live. Don’t let this be you!
If you KNOW someone is suffering, sad, or just looks lost, stop and take the time to let this person talk and share their feelings. Sometimes, that is all it will take. Just showing that they are worth the time can fill them with the love they need to see hope.
I will end my story here, with a message to Hank. It may be too late, but I feel I must.
Hank, we love and miss you with everyday and I wish I would have kept you there with me. Lord, take care of him. He is a wonderful soul that deserves happiness and peace. Amen