Daily Thoughts of Death

Have you ever wondered how bad it would be to think about death daily? Well, that’s my life. When I wake up every morning, the first thing I ask myself is, “Is my son still alive?”
Today, I realized that this is something I ask myself every day and there are those days, that I ask that same question later in the day. I have done this daily ritual-for almost 18 years.

The day my son was born, changed my life forever. I gave birth to a beautiful, 7 1/2 lb, baby boy with Ebstein’s Anomaly. Never heard of such a thing until that night.

Realizing that I seem to struggle with this daily, I have decided to use this blog of mine to tell a tell that many know too well. I’ve decided, every day I will release these fears-right here. It’s hard to talk to family or friends, because I know they all live with these thoughts as well.

I had a normal pregnancy, going to the doctors only on scheduled appointments. I worked at Ford and did not take leave, until a few days before my due date. All throughout my pregnancy, doctors seem to have no worries or concerns. My OB told me numerous times that “going by the heart rate, it’s a girl” but I knew better, telling him “I know I’m carrying a boy and his name is Kyle.”

Like any normal pregnancy, I only had one ultrasound done early on and everything looked great. Little did any of us know…..


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